Every Home Should Have One...

Okay. Please admire this. (Shoe is for scale). This is Juno’s collar. It is finished, but unblocked (as you probably noticed). This is my first ever attempt at cables and I did nearly 6 freaking feet of them – four intertwined lines, edged with four more lines.

It looks like this when you get closer.



I can’t believe the sheer scale and gorgeousness of what I have created. I am continually impressed by the amazement of knitting. By the way – if you see any mistakes (I know there is one stitch in there that is not doing what it is supposed to and I’ve decided to live with it because it was 2 feet from the end when I saw it!), I don’t want to know – really, I don’t. (You don’t see any, do you – because – well I’d just have to cry at you and then we’d both be embarrassed and I look so awful when I cry – you know how it is – drippy, swollen, red nose – what do you mean you can’t see any difference from the way I look normally? I’m going to cry!)
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I like to think of that stitch as the deliberate imperfection included by a knitter. Japanese master potters always marred their work slightly, introducing a deliberate imperfection to make their work human, and to not challenge the gods. Every time we packed a kiln, someone would do something that made them bleed (accidentally, not on purpose – though if there had been no blood….), and we always considered that a sacrifice to ensure the firing went smoothly.

That misplaced stitch is my sacrifice. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.



On a different note, I thought I’d include this photo of the incredibly originally named Blue Lake. The colour has not been touched and it is a very grey day – isn’t that the most gorgeous aqua you have ever seen? Apparently the white clay at the bottom of the lake reflects the sky, but if that is so, by my reckoning the water ought to be a drab grey with dark grey overtones.

I have a theory. I have decided that the world consists of two types of people (stop me if you’ve heard this before). The first type is the instruction reader. When they receive a new appliance or gadget, they open the box, remove the instructions, read them from cover to cover, acquainting themselves fully with the device and its controls. They ensure they understand its quirks and the expected outcomes and results. Only when this process is complete, will they unpack the appliance or gadget, carefully removing all components from the box, assemble it and turn it on. My husband is this type of person.

The second type receives a gadget, rips the box open, whacks it together and turns it on. They may mutter things like ‘Yup – this bit goes here’ and ‘I wonder what that is for?’. They may occasionally look at the picture on the outside of the box – just a glance to check that it looks roughly right. They will refer to the instruction manual if, and only if, the device will not work, breaks down, or makes a peculiar noise. I am this type of person.

In 1998, we bought a 6 year old, second hand BMW. The Accountant had coveted a BMW since he was a teenager, and now he owned one (in both our names, of course). He read the 240 page manual from cover the cover several times, making sure he really understood this piece of German engineering perfection. Then he told me I wasn’t allowed to drive it until I read the manual. I didn’t drive the car for nearly a year. I still haven’t read the manual – I just waited him out.

I thought about this again yesterday, when a friend rang to ask if the Accountant would chauffeur her eldest son to his Grade 10 School Leavers’ Dinner. In Tasmania, you finish high school in grade 10 – except in some private schools which offer classes to grade 12. Grades 11 and 12 are offered at matriculation colleges, on separate campuses and with entirely different rules to high schools. They generally don’t require a school uniform and have a more relaxed attitude to pupils coming and going from school property.

They were originally designed as a bridge to the independence of university. Now they mainly exist to keep kids off unemployment lines and try to get them to stay at school until they’re 18. Tasmania has the lowest rates in Australia of school retention to grade 12, mainly due to this system.

But, back to the Leavers’ Dinner. I remember when this couple started dating. I remember when the son was born – the Accountant and I have been together longer than he has been in the world. This is a sobering fact – or perhaps the sort of fact which requires drunkenness – I’m still working on that one. Of course he can arrive in the BMW.

There is a tradition of arriving in exotic transport for these dinners. Rich parents have supplied helicopters and limousines. Inventive parents and children have used enormous trucks, tractors, horses (with and without carriages) and all types of cares – from the sublime (beautiful vintage cars) to the ridiculous (tuktuks and gogomobiles). It’s all part of the fun.

So he will get the BMW. He’s just got to clean it first!

In and Out and In-Between

Well, the de-cluttering fairy has certainly been giving MY place a miss this week!



IN
(Just been to the op-shop)

Lovely lined straw tote with bamboo handles
Stone coloured linen skirt
Overnight bag for Princess
Gorgeous fine wool purple Country Road jumper (going straight out again – gift for stepmother)
2 balls of gorgeous sock yarn – not from op – shop – from ebay
Turkish drop spindle
Addi turbo needle
6 bamboo buttons for Juno



OUT


2 balls sock yarn – sold on ebay
10 items children’s clothing - sold on eBay
The appalling cone winder of doom – sold on ebay
1 box assorted stuff – school fete white elephant stall
1 bag clothes etc – Lifeline (I buy so much from them, it’s only fair I replace it sometimes!)
Gorgeous purple jumper see above (gift)


In – 9 items (counting buttons as 1)
Out -16 items
Just made the 7 things this week – will have to do better for next week!

Now, speaking of obsession – I forgot to mention some incredibly telling signs of obsessions (yes, yes, they do all apply to me, and, I’m extremely glad to say, to most of you too. In fact, it’s very telling that most of you didn’t turn a hair when reading the list, which only goes to show that we may have a teeny, weeny problem here, Houston).

You may have an obsession if:

- you visit the Jansz winery, which specialises in champagne style saparkling wines (take THAT, appellation controllee). You try the yummy wines. You buy some yummy wines. You buy a bottle of the expensive vintage sparkling champagne-y wine (hah!! Appellation Controlleee). Your very first thought is’ Look at the great packaging for that bottle – my knitting needles will fit in that lidded tube beautifully!’


- you are still trying to work out a method of knitting while asleep


- you are evangelical in your pursuit of non-knitters


- many of your non-knitting friends have begun to get a glazed, yet hunted, look in their eyes when you speak to them of knitting. Nevertheless, you are sure that if you could only explain the excitement to them properly they would take up your standing offer of lessons and learn to knit.


- you drink the vintage champagne-y sparkling wine and, guess what – the needles fit in the tube brilliantly.

One of our Canadian friends didn’t understand the Catweazle reference in my post from a few days ago. Catweazle (for the un-initiated, and those below a certain age (pah)), was a BBC children’s series from the 1970s, starring Geoffrey Bayldon, about an inept Medieval magician and alchemist who is transported to the 20th century, and his adventures in the 1970s. He tended to fizz and pop when confronted with modern technology, become addicted to bananas and adored ‘Electrickery!’ People of a certain age (yes, yes, alright, ME!) still giggle and use that term.

Mind you, I STILL think faxes are magic – you put a drawing in one end, and out it comes in Hong Kong or Murmansk (or both if you have my fax!). Remarkable invention, and much spiffier than teletypes.

Technology and I are old foes despite my nerd rating– my computer keyboard, for example, has swapped the AT and the “. I have to think every time I type in my email address and go for the quotation mark key, and not the ‘at’ key. In time, this will become habitual, and whenever I use a properly working keyboard, I will get them mixed up and have problems with everyone’s email address.

On a more selfish note, ignore everything Donyale said about sales at a certain yarn shop. I’m sure they’re not really having one. Stay away. You won’t like the yarn. Truly. Bound to be awful. Itchy. Splitty. Really. Please don’t buy all the things I want before I can get there!

You Might Be An Obssessed Knitter If.......

Yup. You might be obsessed when:

- you decide on your projects and pack them first for a trip

- you take 4 knitting projects, despite the fact you’re only going away for 2 nights (after all, there’s quite a lot of driving involved)

- you visit a new town. You visit the thrift shops – and ask if they have yarn. Or patterns. You look for yarn shops. You visit the only craft shop in town. It has one small stand of Patons wool in a very large space. They stock Country, Baby, Jet and Patonyle sock yarn. You actually stand there thinking about buying some – despite the fact that your stash is greater than the GDP of Outer Mongolia and you don’t use much Patons. Your stash is WAAAAAYYYYY bigger than this entire yarn stock.

- you go out to dinner, drink lots of red wine and attempt to design and knit a lace pattern in kid mohair. After spending the night knitting, you have to frog the lot, but YOU FEEL OK ABOUT THIS!

- you finish a sock, but have forgotten darning needles for grafting. You work out a method of grafting which takes another, finer double pointed needles and three times as long. It works. You are happy about this.

- you get five minutes of quiet time all to yourself. You use this time to tink back 4 rounds on a sock to where the count went funny, instead of relaxing or drinking wine.

- you wake in the middle of the night, in a strange room, and can’t get back to sleep. You spend the rest of the night working out 2 sock patterns, a reversible scarf pattern and a blog entry for when you get home.

- you miss your pattern books

- you worry about what blogpals have been doing while you haven’t been watching

- your queue of ‘want to knit this’ is so long that you are unlikely to make much of a dent in it before your 70th birthday. You feel OK about this.

- your stash has become so large that it now lives in 3 places. You seriously consider moving out all the sheets and towels in the walk in linen press, just so all your stash can be together

- you see a new sock yarn. You become rather anxious because you realise all the sock yarn in the world can’t be yours.

- you see a gorgeous DPN kit. You begin to scheme about ways to obtain one.

- your blog pals and fellow knitters occupy the first places on your Christmas list.

- you look forward to fellow knitter’s birthdays and Christmas, because you get the joy of buying yarn without actually adding it to your stash

- there are very few waking moments when knitting doesn’t occupy your thoughts. It is occasionally supplanted by thoughts of children and food. And wine. And books. But not as often as would be healthy.

- you wonder how this obsession crept up on you – but you aren’t all that bothered.


We had a road trip at the weekend, up to the North East of our beautiful state. We visited the town of the Accountant’s childhood and looked at the house where he lived. We drove about. We went to Mt William National Park and saw wombats and Bennett’s wallabies with joeys in their pouches. We went to the place I camped on a trip with the girls many years ago (it’s still a very nice spot and right on the beach).

We went out to a very nice dinner. Our waitress was a knitter. She liked my socks. It was a lovely break, except for the fact the weather was very windy and wet and quite cold. The place we stayed was great and the swimming pool was inside and heated (the Princess thought it was wonderful).

I had lots of time to knit in the car and finished one Feather and Fan sock and got halfway down the cuff on the other. I forgot a darning needle and missed my patterns.

I enjoyed not cooking for 2 nights. It’s not that I don’t like cooking, because I do. I just don’t enjoy the pressure of coming up with something that everyone in the family will think is wonderful every single night. Last night was 2 minute noodles for the kids and bruschetta and antipasto for the adults. This involved virtually no cooking. It’s a break that feels like a holiday.

I think I may be just a little knitting obsessed. I came back to Juno like an old friend and got 2 repeats done, so it is very likely (all knitting goddesses permitting) that I will finish the collar this week. If all goes particularly well, I may also block, sew and complete Juno this week. Then I can concentrate on socks. And Christmas presents. And Tea Cosies (for the swap) and the Swing Jumper. And Bella. And more socks.

Prances With Wolves

Thinking of children (as I currently have no choice in this – due to the fact they are screaming in the next room), leads me to ponder Ms Madmad’s post about leaving them to be raised by dogs.

I wish I had thought of this option when we HAD a dog. But being raised by dogs can’t be too bad, can it? I mean, Romulus and Remus were raised by a dog (yes, yes split hairs all you want, but a wolf is definitely a TYPE of dog – so they were raised by dogs). They went on to found Rome. Rome is one of my favourite cities. You can always get great food, there is good espresso on every corner, wine is good and cheap and when you have a bad day, grappa is available. Plus the fact that it is beautiful, walkable and there’s lots of eye candy about – what more could you want of a city?

Other achievers include Mowgli – also raised by wolves – but a bear and a tiger also helped. He had books written about him and his animal companions.

In fact, lots of children have been raised by animals. Enough that there was an entire unit in undergraduate psychology about it and a zillion books written on the subject. I mean, most of these kids were OK – sure, they didn’t speak, but given my children at present, that might not be such a bad thing.

I have lots of ideas about child rearing. I have a theory that all mothers should grow an extra pair of arms during each pregnancy. You really need those arms and you need more when you have another child. Let’s see – you need arms to carry the baby, and the baby stuff, and the car keys, and your bag and the shopping. Then you need more arms to keep your sunglasses on your head and to open doors and press buttons. And to push the stroller. And catch the toddler when he does a runner.

The arms may make you look a little like Kali, but you’d be a repository for odd jumpers with four or six arms, and they’d be sooooo useful. The arms could wither away when the children turn – oohhh 14 or so.

In addition to the arms, you should get a child’s remote control at the same time the baby appears. This would only have 3 buttons – a mute button, a volume control and a stop button. Some people would argue for a slow button, but a stop would do.

The number of times I have wished for a mute button (when on the phone to officialdom or tradespeople – or just on the phone really – to real people over 95cms tall), or a volume control as the screaming and shouting and whining increases, or a stop button BEFORE the child falls off the chair or runs into traffic. The laughter of children is great – but it’s loud!!!

In other news, Juno continues to grow, slowly. I managed 2 repeats of the cables last night, and estimate there are probably at least 7-8 repeats to go. This weekend will be almost entirely devoted to socks (road trip) but also possibly some work on Christmas gift scarves.

Have a great weekend – hope for some sunshine for us (instead of gales and blizzard – it IS meant to be spring after all)!!

In, In, In, In, Out

Well, this week the 7 things challenge is not going quite so well as I would have hoped!!!

The problem was definitely with the ‘IN’ side of the ledger, so:

IN
9 books (my first ever Amazon order because the Australian dollar is high!)
Elizabeth Zimmermann: Knitting without Tears, and Knitting Workshop

Knitters Handy book of patterns and Handy book of sweater patterns

Sensational knitted socks
Socks, Socks, Socks
Interweave Favourite Socks
The Yarn Harlot Casts Off
Fitted Knits (your fault Miss Spidey – you gave it such a great rap, and you’re right)

4 balls turquoise mohair from the op-shop
1 Jemima doll + 1 dress from op shop
2 balls Jo Sharp DK
2 balls Mist kid mohair
2 hair thingies
Catweazle DVD (from children for me for Christmas – snicker, snicker)
4 balls Cascade Fixation for SSS
11 Balls Bendi Neon (not entirely sure why I decided on 11 – just felt right) in Bracken

OUT

Not enough, obviously.

3 pairs boys shoes - gift
2 children’s books – gift
1 bag assorted clothes – Lifeline
2 bags children’s clothes – sold on eBay
Several broken toys – surreptitiously slipped into rubbish bin!

Thinking about this challenge, 2 things strike me. Firstly, I’m including things for the children on my list, which is fair enough because I generally buy or otherwise acquire them, but it does inflate my totals, and secondly, there’s a lot of intended Christmas presents slipping in there, so maybe I’m more organised than I thought.

Kate has just posted about our lovely blogpalfest a couple of weeks ago, so slip over and check out the photo of the 10 metre camellia tree – I have 2 and the one we’re standing under is the smaller one!

On the knitting front, I’m back to Juno’s collar. The cable’s flow more easily now – I’m using Jill’s needleless cabling technique for the small cables and the cable needle for the big ones, which makes it faster, but I’ve still got at least 16 repeats to go (woe, woe and thrice woe!!!) This means at least a week more. However, we’re going away this weekend, so the socks will get a workout!!

Zippedee-doo-dah, Zippedee - ay!!

The Clappy has left the needles, I say again, the Clappy has left the needles!

That’s right, the Knitting Goddess smiled upon me and I finished the Clapotis on Saturday night – so a 16 evening knit, including my presence at 2 unavoidable non-knitting meetings and an evening of entirely fruitless tinking, knitting, tinking, knitting because I have no memory and can’t write decent instructions to myself.

Comments: I love it, and fully intend to do another next autumn in wool or wool blended with something – the corn fibre drapes beautifully and looks very nice:

But it has no memory and is, effectively, un-blockable. It’s also not so warm, so great around the shoulders on a cool night, but no so great for the real cold. I also must have MUCH wider shoulders that the designer, as it’s not as long for me – but I presume that if I’d used wool I could have blocked it longer. On the definite plus side it took 5 (yup, 5) 50 gr balls of the aMaizing (130m/50gr), so 250gr rather than 400gr.

Yesterday’s surprise lunch for my Father in Law was great – and was, indeed, a total surprise. It was his 70th birthday and lots of fun. The added bonus was knitting time in the car coming and going to the northern capital, so my Tulip FandF sock is on the instep stretch (sock on!).

This week, however, I intend to finish Juno. She has waited very patiently for me to return to the cables, been shunted aside for my case of the Clappy and I will now finish her collar, block and sew her (because given how cold the weather is, I will need to wear her for the next month or so!).

I managed to prepare a tomato bed on Saturday, but everything has stalled since then, so hopefully the tomato plants will get into their bed tomorrow. Raven, if you ever get to Tasmania, I will happily provide room and board in return for some gardening help!!

It was also fun getting dressed and made-up (rare events since the advent of motherhood). I wore a new kimono style top and new red Rivers shoes, and actually felt rather good! The Princess loved wearing a party dress (her mother was also pleased because any wear for a party dress is a good thing before it’s grown out of), and even Destructoboy looked respectable.

All in all, a good weekend. Finished the new Southern Vampire novel and can now return to the book which keeps getting put aside because library books always take precedence over those I own, After all, there are no overdue fines on MY books!

I also invented a rather nice barley and lentil pilau, involving the above ingredients plus preserved lemons and ground coriander, sumac and a finely chopped tomato (inserted at the end). It makes enough to feed an army and has provided meals for days – I’ve been teaming it with gently sautéed gourmet mushrooms for lunches at least twice (enoki, shitaki and oyster) – yum!

Back to the grindstone – washing up and tidying await me!

Oh, It's a Beautiful Day!

Hurrah for school! Princess is back at kindergarten today, I have the house to myself this morning and all is right with the world.

It is a beautiful day, so what am I doing? Well may you ask. I am uploading photos to my Flickr account, blogging and playing with Ravelry!!! Yay – I’m also intermittently looking out the window and deciding that I’ll take Destructoboy out to play when I bring him home.

So while my photos upload, I thought I’d update you all.

The Happy Clappy has been making progress – to the detriment of Juno – I’ve had a couple of evenings when I haven’t been able to concentrate much on the pattern for cables, so I’ve been working on the Clappy instead. I’m enjoying knitting it, although last night I frogged a row four (get that – four) times because I’d been so tired the night before I’d left cryptic instructions as to where I was up to when I finished for the evening. The instructions were SO cryptic I tried four times to get the counts right until I finally realised that my note meant I had FINISHED row 6 – and NOT THAT I WAS ABOUT TO START IT!!!!



Once this minor problem was sorted (and an hour of knitting time wasted) we were all fine. Now, I should have picked this up before – and, indeed, most people with half a brain WOULD have done so. The problem was compounded by my suddenly getting distracted (Look – something shiny!!! What was that again?) and attempting to knit row 6 of the next section. When I finally realised I needed to knit row 8, it was all plain sailing! (Some days I am soooo dumb!)

In the middle of all this, I realised that I would need some simple knitting – OOOOOOHHHH way back on Friday night – so I head-started myself on Summer of socks and cast on a Feather and Fan sock in The Knitting Ninja’s Tulip colourway. This is sooo pretty – dusty rose, spring green, pastel blue and wine. I have been knitting a plain sock in Patonyle blue faux fairisle, but I’m very bored with it.

Casting on a new travelling sock is breaking a number of self imposed rules. This brings my WIPs to 4, makes me put the Patonyle’s into hibernation, slips Juno down my list – and enrages the Accountant – mainly because I took Tulip to a party on Friday night, evangelised about knitting and chatted to a lovely Grandmother about the best heels!

I decided on another Feather and Fan for a travelling sock, because I have knitted so much of this pattern that I find it easy to knit in cars (or at parties), and I wore my other F&F socks in my Mary Jane’s the other day and was entranced by how pretty the pattern looked!

So, Southern Summer of Socks Challenges:

These are self imposed and I’m quite looking forward to all of them:
1. Knit at least 5 pairs of socks (in addition to normal knitting)
2. Knit at least 2 pairs of Red Bird Knit Sock club socks (yes, the September parcel has been posted and I have knitted no kits)
3. Knit at least one pair of Toe-up socks
4. Knit one pair of real Fairisle socks
5. Knit at least one pair of cotton socks
6. Knit socks only from stash (or socks kits) with one exception – I am allowed one ‘Get out of jail free’ card providing it is to meet one or more of the requirements above (eg. a purchase which assists me in knitting a fairisle, toe-up sock in cotton – well , maybe not, but you get the picture!)

If I meet all these challenges, I will do something nice for myself, like buy some more Cherry Tree Hill sock yarn or something – the reward needs to be thought on a little.

I’d also like to ensure everyone notices that (apart from the socks) all knitting is being carried out by Knitpicks Options needles – quick plug – don’t forget Donyale’s competition and the fact that you can get Knitpicks from her – including the new options later in the year in the lovely wood – but get behind me because I said I wanted some first!!!

Speaking of Donyale, I was a total Yarn Pig yesterday, and bought two of her lovely Yarn Cakes – remind me to stick them in my ‘In’ list at the weekend. I also threw myself off the wagon in order to purchase a Turkish Spindle from Yarn Magazine – who have their Spindle Special on again.

That’s more than enough for today – most of you are probably so bored you’ve already left.

I will have pertinent, witty and amusing stuff for you tomorrow – or the next day – bah!! Who am I kidding? It’ll be the same stuff – you know – wool, yarn, knitting, that stuff – see you then!

I've got the Clap, too! The Happy Clap, that is!

I’m in! I’m in!! I finally got my Ravelry invite this morning (when all my broadband for the month has gone – but DON’T tell the Accountant!)!

I’ve registered and Firefoxed and Flickr’d. I’ve added some of you as my friends (please don’t be upset if I haven’t added you yet – I will). I haven’t yet toured Ravelry or uploaded anything because I’m much too dazzled by the colour and movement! (Oooh – sparkles … Oh pretty stuff……. ) Excuse me – got a little sidetracked there!

I can see, that like puppies, kittens and babies, Ravelry has an enormous potential for time wasting. (Like I’ve got SOOOO MUCH time and I can afford to waste it.) But what’s a girl to do?

In addition, I’ve become a flirt – a flibbertigibbet (I’ve ALWAYS wanted to put that in a sentence!). I am officially a lightskirt. – I cast on for my Happy Clappy last night (joining Georgie in the KAL). I had a really bad back ache and really didn’t feel up to concentrating on Juno, so I cast on – and I can really see the appeal.

But I’m afraid that this is merely the beginning of a downhill slide in my moral knitting purpose! Last night just before sleeping I was thinking that it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if I were to cast on for another pair of feather and fan socks – I could make them in Happy Spider’s Pink Grapefruit colourway, and I love my others so much and they wouldn’t take long……

I can see I need to put a little more monogamy in my life. 2 WIPs is OK – 1 complex, one for travelling. Even three – 2 as above and one simple largish project to work on when brain not up to …what? Sorry, didn’t catch that – too busy justifying myself. Where was I? Yes – and then maybe another simplish one – like feather and fan socks or another swing jumper.

It’s thin end of the wedge stuff, folks. So, despite my inner urgings, I’m taking a stand. No more WIPs until something is finished. Collar or Clapotis or socks – one has to be finished before another is on the needles. (Let’s see how long this zeal lasts!). I’m sure to be finished with something in a week (aren’t I?)

In other news, the Princess has headed off to her first ever sleep-over. She’s staying with a little local friend in a house she knows well. It has the added advantage of being very close in case there’s a 3am call for collection. She’s so keen on the idea that she packed her bag YESTERDAY, and despite going to the friends at 1pm was up AND HAD DRESSED HERSELF AND WAS POKING ME AT 7AM.

This is the girl who often resists getting dressed until lunchtime and had one memorable rainy day when she was still wearing last night's PJs when she went up for her night-time bath because her mother had given up the fight at about 2pm!

It will be strange – the night-time ritual of bath, stories and songs without my Princess.

It’s a big step, your first night away from home. Hope everything goes well – and not just because I don’t really fancy getting up at 3am!

When Ass Meets Class

I half watched TV last night, while doing one and a half repeats on Juno (I’m aiming for 2 a night – it MIGHT happen), and what I watched confirmed a pet theory of mine. I was watching free-to-air TV (as none of the movies on the multitude of Satellite TV Movie channels did anything for me) and ended up with CSI and Damages, as the best of a poor lot (this was on the basis that the ABC probably required more concentration than I was willing to extend). My theory is that when ass and class meet head to head, class will always be the loser.

The Ass/Class theory has been with me a while, and has almost always applied to TV – especially anything with Eddie McGuire involved. Anything with the word ‘Reality’ in front of it is also there and anything which audiences vote on is likely to be there too. All definitely cases of Ass beating Class. I mean – more people voted for American Idol than the American President – Oh my Sainted Aunt!

Barnum had a similar theory – he suggested that no-one ever went broke under-estimating the intelligence of the average punter. As he was also the man who came up with the whole ‘Never give a sucker an even break’ idea, this worried me.

What really worries me is not that the TV executives under-estimate the intelligence of their audience, but that they actively seem to be working to minimise their expectations and extend their stupidity. Journalism masquerading as ’60 minutes’, Morning television pretending to be current affairs, daytime TV purporting to offer political analysis. To say nothing of supposed quiz shows, so-called reality television and docudramas, all this stuff seems to me to work very hard at squashing any original ideas, critical faculties and insight out of their audience. And don’t even get me started on advertising!

This is NOT television reflecting reality, but rather television actively attempting to shape the world – or at least its perception.

Which is why I don’t watch commercial television much.

All of which brings me rather neatly to children’s television. (What a great segue!) I love ABC kids. I enjoy watching their offerings with my children. They never watch commercial TVs kid’s offerings (See above re advertising). But those of you with young kids are likely to be aware of the 4-430 line-up on ABC. We watch Peppa Pig, followed by the beautifully animated Bottle Top Bill. Then we have Shaun the Sheep (an Aardman animation, by the crew who brought you Wallace and Gromit) and then my favourite – Sitting Ducks. This half hour of TV (usually preceded by Playschool) is a joy.

It has no advertising. It has no suspicious content, it is perfectly designed for kids (and big kids who love good animation). Why is it, that when they make such crud for adults, they can make such joyous, original and intelligent shows for children?

My only concern is that after longer than I can remember, the ABC is changing the time of Playschool. For at least the last four years, the 3.30 timeslot has been sacred time in our house. 25 minutes of quiet, while I can organise dinner and do the washing up. I’m not sure how long Playschool has been in that slot, but I have a feeling that it’s almost as long as Playschool has been on the air.

For me, the main charm of crap TV will always be that allows me to do complex knitting! If I don't have to concentrate on the script, story or characters I can do lace and cables! (And go to the loo in the ad breaks!)

Rubber Ducky, You're the One....

Sssssh! Can you keep a secret? I sneak off for baths! That’s right – I slope off at early hours of the morning when I waken early and can’t sleep, and submerge myself amongst bubbles with a book, a face mask and my glasses fogging up!

Why do I sneak off like that? Well, much as I love my children, the only way I can claim a little time for myself is to sneak down to the bath very early on a Sunday morning and spend an hour floating in bubbles. Then I get back into my pyjamas and sneak back into bed. If I don’t get the timing absolutely right, I end up with a 5 year old girl – screaming (literally) down the stairs into the bathroom, stripping as she runs until she jumps in with me.

I really don’t mind my little girl joining me in the bath, and playing games and splashing. It’s just that my baths are a quiet and relaxing time, and always, by the time she gets there, the water is starting to cool off and I have to stay for another half an hour in increasingly cold water playing boat, bubbles or whatever other game she invents!

Yesterday was a lovely spring day – which can only mean one thing – spring cleaning! We attacked the courtyard, pulling up weeds, tidying the pot plants and planning plantings in the big bed against the wall. All winter, the courtyard gets no sun, then around now it starts trapping the sun, and the old red bricks of the wall start preventing frosts. So this year, instead of grass, I’m going to plant tomatoes and lettuces (and maybe a cucumber) in the bed to catch the sun. The warmth of the wall means no frost there as well, so even a late frost shouldn’t get my tomatoes!

On the Seven Things Challenge:
IN:
Well, the shoes – obviously – 2 pairs of Birkis (pls see previous post to admire their beauty!);
1 apricot top from the Op shop, and 4 patterns from same;
1 boys summer hat and 2 tops for children (winter sale at local children’s wear shop);
Vogue Knitting and Creative Knitting;
1 skein Marion’s sock yarn;
My Sublime lay-by paid off (plus the stash bag gift and 2 balls cheap Jo Sharp DK);
My Lay-by from Local haberdasher paid off - 4 balls leaf green Patons, 2 Christmas presents and buttons for the squatty sidekicks;

In: 17 balls of yarn, 15 other items

OUT:
2 bags cot sheets, baby blankets and ancillary stuff for the child care centre
1 toy also for above
1 bag of clothes for Lifeline
1 breadmaker (running) needs new washer and probably loaf tin – ready for Lifeline
3 Patons patterns – to Taph!!!
9 bags of childrens gear listed on Ebay (not yet sold – finishes tomorrow)

Out: 17 bags of stuff!

That has to be in front, doesn’t it?
I’ve also organised pram, cot, portacot, car seat and so on to be listed in the classifieds – though that will be next week.

We also attacked the wine cellar – although that does not qualify as de-cluttering because we work out what needs to be drunk, but organising it did mean removing and re-organising all the half empty boxes, so maybe it qualifies – 5 empty boxes gone!

Further to a post from a while back, I have seen two movies this week I really enjoyed – for entirely different reasons.

We watched 300 the other night, and I was very impressed. It was stylised and stylish, used lots of CGI as an integral part of the look, told an old story well (even if it did takes some liberties with Herodotus), and I really enjoyed it. Deeper than it looks – lots of allegory and poetry mixed with the mythology. I can see that it wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but it was mine – and considering some of the pap I’ve noticed recently, a huge step up!

The second was ‘Pan’s Labyrinth’, also a non-Hollywood production. This is Spanish (the Spaniards are making some noteworthy films) and set in the era of the Spanish Civil War – gorgeous, interesting, phantasmagorical, surreal. In the words of Molly Meldrum ‘Do yourself a favour’. It was beautiful, but not great for complex knitting (subtitles!).

Knitting. Here is one repeat of the cable pattern from Juno’s collar.

I am enjoying it, but I can’t let my attention slip at all! Luckily, the pattern is written out, rather than charted (I’m not great at charts), and is a 16 row repeat over 38 stitches. I’m having trouble coping with the cable needle – which keeps trying to escape, especially on the cables at the very beginning of the rows – first stitch goes onto the cable needle! So far, I’ve only had to tink half a row (although I’m sure that will change).

I love the way the cables look, and I’m very proud of the 3D nature of the knitting, but I cannot see any way in which I am likely to become a FAST cable knitter. In one and a half hours last night I did one pattern repeat. 16 rows over 38 stitches- hour and a half! – even the monkey socks I could do 2 repeats at least! (11 rows over 60sts on DPNS)!

All tips on increasing speed and growing 3rd hand gratefully appreciated!

Heaven, I'm in Heaven

I certainly am in heaven – for lots of reasons! I’ve been getting some lovely emails from blogfriends; the new http://www.knitty.com/ for Fall 2007 is out; my kids have been (mainly) great today – they’re currently making glue on things from our local cheap crap shop – Chickenfeed – which occasionally has craft kits and so on that I buy up and stash for wet days; I’ve got the Interweave which arrived last week, supplemented by Vogue Knits and the massive downloads and print-outs I’ve just spent the last hour doing, working my way backwards through older Knittys; I’ve finished Juno’s second sleeve, which means that tonight is sewing and bands, and then the COLLAR is in sight!!

I also got some great yarn Karma – so I’m looking forward to that; but best of all, I finally paid off my Sublime lay-by – so I have that in my hot little hands!! The lovely ladies at my LYS have a loyalty scheme – when you have spent $100 dollars, recorded on your little card, they give you a present. It sort of depends what they’ve got around – so far, I’ve received a scarf looping thingie for making non-knitted scarves; a calculator (very useful – lives in my sock kit along with other useful items) and today I was given a bag of 6 balls of toning yarns – like a mini-stash – mine’s in blues and turquoises – one of my two favourite combinations (blue/green/turquoise/purple – water and sea colours, and orange/yellow/red – fire and autumn colours). The yarns are roughly the same ply, but different materials and just lovely – stash in a bag!

I really do like my LYS. The ladies who run it are experienced in knitting, needlework and cr*****t; they knit up all the yarns they stock, so you can see and feel them. The range is good (if conservative – I took in my silk and my A-maizing for them to play with), they stock most main brands and a few books, and have just started stocking Fibertrends patterns and Naturally yarns. The down side (such as it is) is that some harder to get and rarer yarns are not stocked. I discussed the Mission Falls 1824 with them, but because there is no call for it, they don’t stock it.

My fabulous sister-in-law (the one living in the ACT) adores this shop. She says that she feels welcome and not at all intimidated. They also stock a number of plus size patterns. All in all, it has a very low wank-value-quotient (WVQ).

Some yarn shops I have visited have a very high WVQ (I won’t mention Manuka in any way, shape or form, but some of you will know what I mean). Think of the shops you visit regularly. Is their WVQ high or low? Are the sales assistants rude or helpful; happy or miserable? Is there an automatic 25% surcharge on everything in the shop, simply for being sold from THAT shop in THAT location? Are you made to feel small, rustic, un-hip, or un-cool? Or welcomed, assisted and at home?

I find I have a lower tolerance for wankiness as I get older. Unlesss, of course I have been drinking heavily, when I am just as likely to roar with laughter and make loud asides about the tastelessness of certain articles.

I was reading Catsmum’s post, about style. I have none – or at least none that doesn’t go with being a stay at home mum. I’ve passed the vomit-on-your-shoulder stage, but not the vegemite and jam and chocolate on your shirt stage. I need a visit to a hairdresser. I need to lose more weight than I care to contemplate. I need a stylist and a shopper and a facial and most extremities waxed. I need a new pair of jeans, and a manicure. None of these things are likely to happen in the near future (except maybe the jeans if there’s a sale).

And you know what? I don’t really care. My daughter thinks I’m beautiful and my son thinks I’m soft and comfy and give great cuddles. I can throw most things I wear (except the jumpers) into the washing machine. I’m fat and happy and a pretty good cook. – I’ve got the new Knitty, Juno’s getting to the exciting stage and I’ve got blogpals – who are also the knitia – or knitsters – or kniterati – or kniternals.

I’m as happy as a clam!

Heaven, I’m in heaven!

Warning: Fatuous Motherhood Statements Ahead

What can I say? I have the cutest kids in the world! This morning, Princess did not wake until 8.30am (go on, other mothers – hiss with jealousy, especially when I tell you that Destructoboy did not wake until 10.00am and they were both in bed asleep by 7.40 last night!). I currently have a really sore back (I think I must sleep like a pretzel) so sweet Princess snuggled up for cuddles, then she and the Accountant went downstairs – I staggered down to the bathroom and was about to insert myself into the shower when the Accountant burst in and told me to get back into bed NOW!

The Princess had made me toast, spread it, cut it and made the pieces into a butterflies (we do this in our house – ‘Look a boat – a dog etc), and carried it up on a tray (well the Accountant carried it up the stairs and Princess did the flat sections) with a card she’d made. I was so impressed!

Today she’s going all out to be as wonderful as possible. Helped make Destructoboy’s lunch, got herself dressed in clothes she picked out (don’t ask), sweet, sweet, sweet!

So how come half the time she’s the exact opposite? A mystery on the cosmic scale!

Now, Kate is responsible for the ‘In’ items this week – because of her mentioning this, I immediately had to look, so I bought the latest Vogue Knitting (I don’t usually Vogue, but goodness – have you SEEN this issue) – I want to knit probably 10 things from it right now, now, NOW!

And it’s got very interesting interviews with the old guard and the new (I only buy it for the articles, honest). And because I saw the Vogue, I also got the Creative Knitting – hopeless – all the spine of an ice cream cone, that’s me!

I have, however, sorted all the children’s clothes, so, more for Lifeline etc. I even sorted some of mine. I managed to buy only what was on the list at the supermarket yesterday and put on blinkers while walking past everything except the news-agency (see above).

I’m attempting to rationalise the pantry. We have a walk-in pantry, and I worry we will all starve if it’s not full. I have finished playing freezer lotto for a while – I actually know exactly what’s in there and it’s all labelled – though freezer lotto definitely had it’s fun side! Ahh, the anticipation of having no idea what you’d pulled out for dinner until it had thawed! Luckily, I’m pretty sure my freezer has no tripe or liver hiding down the sides.

Tomorrow is the official start of school holidays (the first weekend doesn’t count), so a degree of rattiness lies ahead. Juno’s first sleeve is up to the armhole, so I hope to get the shaping finished tonight. I think there’s ironing to be done also, so I’m unlikely to get the second sleeve cast on – the collar keeps getting closer though.

So, on the to-do list are the Polyglot socks (again), the Happy Clappy KAL, and I think I have to make Black Dog’s glorious swing jumper again (and probably again and again), but this time in Silk Garden. I washed it yesterday (really don’t ask – but check Jejune’s post about dangly scarves) and realised that I wear it and wear it and wear it and love it to bits, so another one is definitely the go – and it’s a 2 week knit (for me – 16 hours for real people). What could be better?

Thanks for all your advice re photos – it obviously is an Australian problem that they take forever, so while I can’t make them faster, I’ll take Rosered’s advice, and just do something else while I wait!

I'm not the Wizard of Oz, but....

I’ve just been sewing a heart back on a red devil. This sounds much more exciting than it is. Princess was given a rather unattractive red devil yesterday – which she adores and I am in awe of its general ugliness and tackiness. It showed how tacky it was by the heart it was holding coming adrift today while we were out and about. So I’ve just sewn it back on. Daughter thinks I’m great, son wants the BIG scissors and other pointy injurious equipment from my sewing box, and everybody is happy.

Well, except for the fact that I need to admit to a few more items in: hair bobbles for daughter, in the vain hope that this will stop her screaming when I tie back her hair for school. There are three very cute sets of bobbles and 2 sets of clips. I also acquired 1 new bra on sale, and daughters summer sandals – also on sale, and somehow a ball of clearance Jo Sharp wool slipped in there too. I’ve also bought some wool on ebay, but I won’t admit to that until it actually arrives – there has been some Jo Sharp kid mohair I’ve had my eye on, and I fell off the wagon. (I’ve barely got ON the wagon, at least as far as buying wool goes, so we shall pass a veil over that).

Juno has both fronts finished and a sleeve started (just) and I didn’t mention that I’ve been using my KnitPicks on her – these are so nice to use – I’ve also succumbed to the lure of some KnitPicks DPNs for socks and in a shameless plug, I’d like to point out that the wonderful Donyale has Knitpicks in her online shop and is running a competition with giveaways – so run on over and check it out!

The Accountant has been ribbing me about knitblogging (hah hah very punny – noticed afterwards!). He thinks it a sign that I am a sad individual – I point out that most knitbloggers have very full lives, that I am not a good example (not having anything resembling a life) and that I have made some lovely friends. Also, that this way I can talk about knitting to my heart’s content – and the people who visit me actually know what I am talking about.

I am extremely envious of Madmad’s tech savvy with her photos – very ghoulish and lots of fun – I just want Blogspot to upload my photos faster (it seems to take ages and those of you who have lots of photos have either found a much faster way than me or have things you can wander off and do between uploads). I hereby welcome any and all tips on getting photos to upload faster, because I am slow, slow, slow.

In other news, we are sending George Dubya Bush back where he came from tomorrow – we don’t want him any more – we have our own pale imitation (and I don’t like him much either). I feel so sorry for any of you trapped in Sydney, Dear Readers, it must be a complete pain in the wazoo (notice how I miss out on Rachel’s ‘R’ rating!)

Off to make stuffed potatoes for dinner – with cauliflower cheese and big meaty mushrooms – because I like all that and I don’t care if no-one else does! Enjoy your weekends!

The Lure of the Foreign Legion

Good afternoon.

I am hereby submitting my resignation as Mother and joining the Foreign Legion. While I realise this will force me to learn French, that’s OK – I also understand that there is very little toilet training involved and someone else cooks your meals and washes up.

I am also quite taken by the idea of solitude, hot desert sunshine, a complete lack of children and the possibility that someone else may have to do my washing and ironing. If I fail the recruitment test, I will immediately put my hand up to become a nun, preferably in a silent order. Although that may involve cooking, I can probably cope with that as long as I get some time to knit. I will also get some time where I am not:

a) Shouting;
b) Checking that people are listening to me;
c) Getting them dressed;
d) Putting them on the toilet
e) Being bitten on the face – in public;
f) Trying to give children a cultural experience while they run around like mad things, shouting;
g) Apologising to other adults and children for my childrens’ behaviour;
f) Hoping the floor will open up and swallow me when I am exposed as an appalling parent.

From the above, you will probably gather that it has been a BAD DAY.

Unfortunately, I don’t think they let you resign from Motherhood. I am counting the hours and minutes until the Accountant appears at the door and I can drink my first (and second and third) glass of wine.

It started out inauspiciously at 6.30am, with a gentleman ringing our doorbell to tell us that one of the neighbour’s cows was out on the road. Generally, cows on the road are considered a BAD THING. Anyone who hits a cow with their car, no matter how appallingly badly, stupidly or illegally they are driving is in the right and the owner of the cow is at fault. A cow can do a great deal of damage to the average small car (or even the above average large car. The cow also comes out of it badly.

This meant throwing on clothes, calling the farmer (who lives about 25 minutes drive away) and walking quickly the 500 metres to the cow, whereupon the man who’d come to the door had already got the stupid animal into a paddock – entirely wasted walk in the cold.

I compounded the awfulnes of the day by opening the refrigerator door and having an entire, unopened bottle of wine fall to the floor and smashing, meaning massive and delicate clean-up operations involving 750ml of very nice wine and a shattered bottle worth of glass spread all over the floor while trying to get lunch for children. I am shattered at the idea that this bottle was wasted, but luckily it was in the back room on lino, not in the kitchen on floor boards - with children (perhaps it would not have shattered if it hit floorboards? A depressing possibility).

I took the beasts – sorry – children to the school performance of ‘Where the Wild Things Are’, a particular favourite book of ours. It was sweet, the Preps (5 and 6 year olds), Grade 1s and Grade 1 & 2 combined class (it’s a small school) each doing the same piece, with increasingly more speaking and singing as the age group increased.

Why is it that other children sit quietly, watch the performance and clap at the end, while mine crawl all over each other, other children and any adults unwise enough to sit near us? I am so going to make it my life’s work to embarrass the pants off them as they get older. Destructoboy even found an alternative route out of the hall, and took off at high speed across the school grounds.

So I’m tired, grumpy, and in need of caffeine and wine (not necessarily in that order). And knitting. I definitely need the calming and restorative powers of knitting. I finished the first side of Juno the other night and got up to the increases on the second front. I actually thought I’d done the left front and was working on the right, but closer scrutiny (I’m really bad at telling which is the right side when knitting rib) suggests that I’ve finished the right and am working on the left, so there you go. Regardless, one side is done and I’m doing the other. Probably finish that tomorrow night (frogging and the knitting godess permitting) and start sleeves. Hurrah – looking forward to taking a great leap into the unknown and knitting that collar.

No, no little discreet cables for me to practice my first cabling, Uh uh – I’m going the gusto – it’s a huge and very visible cable collar for my foray into this new skill.

Off to herd cats – sorry – children. Have a nice night – I intend to get these munchkins into their beds at the earliest opportunity. And then sit knitting quietly until my bedtime. I even start a new book in bed tonight – just finished Kim Harrison’s ‘For a few demons more’, great fun.

I’m wilting at the sheer excitement of my life!

An update and certain political comments

Computer running? Check. Third coffee? Check. Bathroom clean? Check (What? You thought I never cleaned the bathrooms – well, as little as possible – but it does get done. Eventually.) Alone in the house? Check. Quiet? Check. Smell of vomit gone? Mostly.

It’s been a fun night.

Those of you who have been following this blog for a while (its whole 2 month life) may remember the great vomiting incident of July. I say ‘great’ meaning lots, not ‘great’ as in ‘Hey that was fun, let’s do it again soon’.

Had an incident last night – luckily a lonely and isolated incident. But the washing remains – the entire bed folks, not just a sheet or two, but every single thing on the bed, including blankets, doona, mattress protector, pillows, assorted teddy bears and dolls, to say nothing of the Princess herself. A shower at 10.30pm for a five year old in tears in not the most fun thing for them to do.

Drawing a veil over this whole awful incident, I will replace it with good news – the fridge is back – this means more space for all the stuff I fill it with and an endless supply of cold filtered water which we have really missed – you can definitely taste the difference.

On the de-cluttering side, I delivered 2 bags to Lifeline (another bag in the offing), but bought a top and 2 dresses for me and some kids clothes for, well, the kids. So the net loss is more like 1 bag – but there is more to go, so I haven’t lost hope yet!

Juno has one front finished, and the second cast one, so I feel as if there is some progress being made.

And speaking of progress, I’m absolutely disgusted that the Gunn’s pulp mill appears to be going ahead – haven’t our politicians noticed that most Tasmanians, especially small business people in the area don’t want a stinky water polluting mill which uses native forests. With any luck, the coalition may realise it’s in a marginal electorate, with more votes in stopping it than in letting it be built – and it’s an election year. You never know your luck in a small country town.

It’s been a fairly open secret that Gunn’s actually runs this state – personally I think we might as well sack our entire state parliament and let Gunns run the place – they do anyway, and at least we’ll save on the parliamentary salaries that way. It wasn’t quite so obvious under Jim Bacon, but after he died, Lennon was in Gunns’ pocket so the rest was a foregone conclusion. The best analogy I heard about Paul Lennon taking over from Jim was that it was if the nightclub manager had dies and the bouncer took over.

Mind you, our Liberal ‘Opposition’ is a bit of a waste of space – given that they never actually seem to oppose the ALP on anything. The Greens are the only real opposition, and there aren’t enough of them to block legislation – Boo Hiss!!!

Politics of this fair, green isle aside, I think I’ll stick to my knitting. If you’re all very good, there may be some photos this week!

The grass is as high as an elephant's.....

Well, there’s Father’s Day over and done with for another year! The Accountant received a beautiful coaster from the Princess (made in Kinder) along with the requisite hand-made card and key-ring, along with 2 shirts and a lovely silver punch-server. I also extended myself and made Brioche for breakfast (the little bobbles on the top were the most popular bits for children).

Took daughter to the local circus annual performance. These guys run a circus school and the Princess has been hanging out to turn 5 and thereby be allowed to go to circus school. I’m hanging out until she turns 15 and runs away to join the circus!

She’s been able to turn somersaults since she saw a child do it on Playschool when she was 18 months old. She’s also in love with being upside down on the monkey bar on her swing – so anything which might allow her to swing in the air turning around while upside down has her vote. I prefer the idea of circus school to ballet – as a veteran of the ballet wars (I danced for 17 years) I know what the injury rate is. I stopped being serious about it when I was taught how to wrap my toes so that when they bled (not IF – WHEN they bled) they wouldn’t ruin the inside of my pointe shoes.

I have the feeling that circus is a wider range of skills and possibly more fun and less seriously pink and girly.

I took Princess to Cirque du Soleil when we were in Canberra earlier this year – she didn’t take her eyes off the stage and sat with her mouth open barely speaking through the entire performance. Anything which renders the Princess speechless is to be seriously encouraged.

Just returned from assisting with a post Walk-a-thon BBQ at the school, so am feeling seriously diligent and dutiful – quite enough overt motherliness for one day, I think.

Juno is progressing nicely – up to the armholes on the left front, despite having to frog 25 rows because I forgot to do the increases, and then frog 10 rows after re-knitting because for some weird reason my subconscious decided I needed increases on both sides (I probably do, but let’s not get into that).

I also followed Taph’s lead and am trying to spring clean. Two boxes of toys are ready for the local not-for-profit child care centre, along with a ride on toy, one very large bag of assorted clothes etc is off to Lifeline, one bag of nappies and baby stuff off to a friends for her little one, another off to another friend for her little one. A box of crockery and kitchen ware is also half finished for Lifeline – so that’s seven boxes and bags and lots more than 7 items. – Still heaps to go to attempt to de-clutter this place!!

Kate was talking about the nude Olympics her children engage in – my children love running around sans clothes and now that Destructoboy has been toilet trained and nappies are a thing of the past – he is often to be seen sprinting past – willy waving in the breeze. Now that spring is here, summer’s not far away, and that means nudie splashing in the paddling pool and slippery sprints through the garden (although I insist on shoes – some thistles always get missed when I chip the lawns - well grass – not nearly well enough looked after to be actual ‘lawn’. I don’t worry about lawns – I’m like Peter Cundall – lawn is just green stuff you walk over on the way to the fruit trees and veggie garden).

Garden's currently doing a great job of burgeoning – first of the blossoms (Kentish cherry) have bloomed, as have camellias and rhodos. I have 2 camellia trees which stand over 10 metres high – yes, 10 metres. I think they are probably quite old. They look very beautiful at the moment, as do all the others about the place.

Hurrah for spring – and for all the things which grow and require me to do absolutely nothing to make them look beautiful!

What do you do all day?

Hear that? It’s the sound of my standards slipping. Those of you familiar with this blog will be amazed – because my standards are generally so low anyway. You’ll be horrified to find, that at least as regards housework, it is actually possible for them to slip even further. My obsessive compulsive relatives by marriage will be amazed that there is any further for my housekeeping standards TO slip – but I assure you that it is possible.

At least on a bad day.

In my defence, I’ve been doing other things – not housework, obviously. I’ve been cooking and washing up. I’ve been washing and drying. I’ve been mending (remarkable – how far will I go to NOT do housework). I’ve been playing with children (and putting them on and off and on and off and on and off potties and toilets), I’ve been blogging. I dusted (using a pillow chase as I changed the sheets) – I changed the sheets.

I wandered around the garden. I cooked more (empanadas for dinner the other night – lots of messing around – especially making the pastry but that’s one dinner and two days of lunches all round!). I washed up again. I put clothes away and picked up crap – sorry – toys – from the floors – and picked them up again – and again – and again.

I drank wine – not enough, obviously, but some. I decided on my next next project – apart from the Happy Clappy. I thought about knitting. I refereed fights. I told children I loved them (this is not a lie – it’s only sometimes that I try to give them away). I read them stories. I rang tradespeople and for test results and paid bills and did a media release for the P and F. I shouted at everyone. I took out the rubbish and the recycling.

I used correct grammar in my last blog and made Rachel happy.

What I didn’t do was housework of the vacuuming, floor washing, bathroom cleaning variety. And my husband asks me what I do all day. Well, I don’t do the housework.

Juno is still growing, but slowly. I wound the next skein into a ball by hand using the backs of 2 chairs as a swift. This took much less time than my last encounter with my not-very-useful cone winder. I may put it back up for auction on ebay unless the Accountant (who, as a handyman is an excellent accountant) can make it work properly.

Although, I must admit, I have been thinking how nice it would be to have a spotless house and clean windows and a beautiful garden. It must be spring. Perhaps I can get someone else to do the housework. I’ll watch. I like to watch other people do housework. Preferably while I knit socks.

Why are there no films I want to watch?

It’s a hard row to hoe without wine, my friends! After a beautiful spring-like weekend – during the days of which I actually did not wear a jumper for the first time since, I think, last May, today is rather gloomy.

Juno grows slowly. You may have guessed by now that acres of rib – whether 2 x 2 or 1x1 - is not my favourite knitting diversion. But last night I reached the armpits at the back, and discovered that I may have unintentionally got gauge – a pity, as I was trying to get greater than gauge – larger needles, larger size.

I am not a tight knitter, nor am I particularly loose – but I was hoping for a bit more coverage – we shall see. Tonight it’s armholes ahoy as we reach for the neckline. I must say, I adore the way it looks – if it’s too tight when I finish I will be forced to lose 10 kilos, just to make sure I wear it!

As a defence mechanism against 2 noisy, housebound children, I buried myself in my collection of Interweave Knits (all 5 of them) and decided on my next 6 projects. I find that looking through knitting publications with my fingers in my ears whilst humming tunelessly allows me to ignore the sounds of mayhem and carnage which swirl around me. I can be deaf to all but the loudest screams and still hear the cry of a really hurt child – or a desperate request for assistance in getting to the toilet – with very little effort on my part.

Part of the reason Juno grew so well last night was the excellent movie we watched – ‘The World’s Fastest Indian’. I was a bit concerned it would be rather Boy’s Own, or Action oriented, but it was great. Wry, gentle humour with laugh out loud moments and Anthony Hopkins playing a charming old NZ codger. It was a great and I heartily recommend it for plain knitting.

I adore foreign films. My only problem is that subtitles force me to watch the screen all the time, so I can only make major progress on the plainest knitting. Most American/Hollywood films allow all sorts of knitting – not only is the dialogue generally loud, the plots are currently both banal and predictable and the so-called comedy films never make me laugh enough to lose row and stitch markers, or pattern sheets onto the floor.

It may seem odd to say it, but I think recent movies are really catering to a lower common denominator than I actually thought existed. I’m not even sure who these movies are aimed at. The comedy is not particularly funny, the action seems to consist entirely of CGI special effects, the characters are annoying and unsympathetic – to say nothing of being so two dimensional that I’ve seen Birthday cards with more rounded characters.

Plots are predictable, writing is drab or expletive laden (and don’t think I’m a prude, because my range of cursing has been known to make Marines blush – now, there’s an idea for a colourway – Blushing Marine, - red, Khaki, olive, sand and brown). Overall, they’re just dull, dull, dull. And unmemorable. I’ve often been caught being completely unable to remember whether or not I’ve actually seen a particular movie, until it starts. And sometimes not even then.

I don’t get to the movies much – 2 small children make that a venture I’m not brave enough for – and quite frankly, most recent movies I couldn’t be bothered to pay good money for. Even bad money.

What’s going on with Hollywood? The rest of the world is making great movies – think France, Spain and sometimes England (providing they don’t have to cater to too many ‘Stars’). Think of some of the really interesting stuff coming out of Japan, China, Korea and Hong Kong (can’t resist a good chop-socky – or anything with Jackie Chan – who does his own stunts instead of relying on CGI). I’m only likely to bestir myself otherwise for something from Pixar.

The rest of the world makes great movies and Hollywood does lame remakes. Or remakes fairly lame TV series. Or tries to please everyone and end up pleasing no-one with half a brain.

There are so many wonderful books in the world. So many great stories, so many wonderful actors and directors and writers. So how come there are no movies I want to watch?

What did you do with June?

Thanks for your lovely comments on the Turtle Walk socks everyone. Yes, Miss Spidey – your pattern was beautiful, very easy to follow, especially your good advice about the spread of stitches on the needles. These are my new favourite socks and are made in 2 50g balls of Jojoland Melody in colour Y45 (orange/purple?) from Yarns Online – one of my very favourite enablers. If you want to get hold of the pattern – put in some high level bribery or grovelling to Miss Spidey - it’s lovely and logical to knit and unfolds on the needles very nicely – I wore them all day yesterday and they felt lovely – the pattern nice and elastic too.

So last night I finally cast on Juno – from Rowan 40, in Rowan Aran colour Gables, a russet tweed. I intend to make it longer (to hide some sins that shouldn’t be seen – especially after 2 Caesars) with a small side split for that bit and slightly higher at the neckline. Besides – it’s fairly easy knitting for most of it – 2x2 rib and then the glorious cabled collar (my challenge). I expect to be moderately bored by the rib, but it is a glorious thing.

On another note, this year has rushed past. I can’t believe that it’s September next week – the first day of spring is just around the corner. More seriously, I seem to be missing June. Now, I don’t want to point any fingers, but if any of you have 2 Junes – especially one which is almost untouched, I’d like it returned please. If you’ve ‘borrowed’ an extra June, I won’t ask any questions. No names, no pack drill.

I’ve noticed this ‘disappearing’ of whole months a lot more in the last few years. I look back on the year and realise that one, or even two, months have gone missing. I strongly suspect that people with real and interesting lives have been abstracting my months to augment their own ration. If this is you, then stop. It affects me very badly when I suddenly realise that I’m missing them and I’m staring down the barrel at Christmas with no memory of how I got there.

Speaking of Christmas, (what! We were – I distinctly remember it), I need to get some more knitting organised – Now how did you know I was going to say that! Last year was dishcloths – so I can’t do that again until NEXT year. I need to get a wriggle on with the adjusted Squatty sidekicks and maybe some wrist warmers. I visited Donyale the other day and fell in love with Gaby, but I think the time investment is greater than I’m willing to commit to, just now.

There are so many things I want to knit, that I’m really looking forward to knitting that there really aren’t enough hours in the day. (Or enough money in the piggy bank!). I’m eyeing off Bella from Knitting daily as a late spring knit – in Bendigo cotton – how nice. And there’s still the Kauni Cardi and my Noro. I’d really like to make it into a silk garden jacket/cardi of some kind – waiting for that to take shape in my mind. And then there’s the rest of the stash. To say nothing of all the socks. Oh my.

And in between times, I think I’ll find an answer to world peace, get fit and re-discover my girlish figure (ha!), be a perfect mother, develop my cooking skills, write a novel and work on my PhD.

Excuse me while I escape into fantasy land – or just go and get lunch for the munchkins.

Can you have too much yarn?

Okay. I’m going to admit it. I may just have too much wool. I have just found 16 balls of Heirloom cashmerino in my stash. I have also discovered 19 balls of Jaeger royal blue mohair. This is yarn I had entirely forgotten I owned – the Jaeger is permissible – to my recollection I bought it at least 10 years ago and possibly more. The cashmerino I have no excuse for. I had it on lay-by for ages and only collected it a bit over 6 months ago. But it gets worse.

I thought I had entirely lost 10 skeins of Jaeger merino. Couldn’t find them anywhere. Went through and through my stash(es). I looked everywhere I might have secreted them due to having to smuggle them past the Accountant (have I mentioned that he’s started to twitch when I take possession of parcels containing yarn?).


I looked and looked. I know there is a mobile black hole in the house. I know it eats single socks, coat-hangers, pens and jig saw puzzle pieces. I know it occasionally eats knitting needles. But this is the first time it has eaten wool. Turns out it was phantom wool. It was wool I lusted over and never bought. I forget wool I own - and remember wool I have never possessed

I love yarn. My stash is organised and generally only in 2 places. I generally have tabs on the yarn I own - especially large quantities - but this was downright weird!

On a happier note, I have finished the Monkey socks. They are on my feet and look and feel great.

This means tonight is new project night (after the ironing is done). This makes me sooooooo happy. I love casting on for a new project. I know I said it was going to be Juno, but….

1. I have been seduced by Black Dog Knits swing jumper
2. I have just found some Jo Sharp Silk Road and the Cashmerino, either of which would be fabulous.
3. The swing jumper is supposed to be a fast knit (almost instant gratification)
4. Neither of the yarns in which I am proposing to knit it is red or a tone of red.
5. I have just finished L&S in red and that was lost of red and lots of knitting.

6. The Yarn for Juno is red – Thought I’d have a break from it

So I think I will try the Silkroad, which should hang beautifully. If it is as fast and easy as I have been led to believe I may even make 2 – with Juno in the middle.

I just love knitting – maybe I should buy that wool after all……