Thursday, October 29, 2009

Off balance!

I had a lovely, lovely day yesterday.

I took the Accountant's car to the car doctor in the Northern Capital (as he was hesitant about losing a day of work, and I had one of my child-free days). This meant a meet up with the delightful Ms 2paw, lots of talking and a little shopping.

We visited the Doomlight of Spot tm, amongst other lovely places, including a wonderful shop called Cocoon, which was full of wildly desireable, and completely unaffordable, hand crafted things.

Ms 2Paw also gave me presents! She said they were a late Christmas present from last year, but I feel they were simply a very early and organised one for this year!

There was a gorgeous skein of Ixchel Dr Who themed BFL and Angora 4ply, some Dr Who magnets, a lovely 'generic blue police box' zippy case (this may look exactly like a TARDIS, but we don't want Ms 2Paw hunted down by the BBC), and the most exquisite, handmade and embroidered buttons. Now I must make something worthy of their beauty!

I also forgot to mention the lovely Sock Club delivery from Needlfood, which had a pink Breast Cancer Awareness theme. I am so glad I signed up to this club - I think she may need to shoot me to be rid of me, if this is a fair example of the gorgeousness she supplies!

I will do the rather blush making stash honesty update next week, because there is something else I need to mention.

Thrity years ago next week, I waved goodbye to my parents as they went off for a holiday in New Zealand. Mum didn't know it at the time, but Dad and I had organised for her to have an adventure while she was away. She never returned,

November 28 marks the thirtieth anniversary of the Mt Erebus aircrash, in which 257 people were killed, Mum amongst them (and the only Australian on board).

I was 17 years old, and this event has been central to my life. along with the associated investigations, Royal Commissions, court cases and periodic re-visiting of the events surrounding the crash of TE 901.

At the end of November, Air New Zealand are holding memorial services and various commemorations of Flight 901 and of the aircrash near Perpignan which happened a year ago. They have finally apologised for the way they treated fanilies of the victims 30 years ago, and the lessons they learned from this allowed them to be much kinder to the families of victims of the Perpignan crash.

They offered to fly me to New Zealand for the services and events. I was going to fly over there. But all this happened last Saturday and I have sent the last week feeling overwhelmed and off balance. I would have been flying over there alone. I would have had no support. I would have been gone from home 2 nights and I'm not sure how I would have coped.

So I have decided not to go. I will spend the anniversary of Mum's death with my family. We will go away for a weekend. I will have cuddles and kisses if I cry. I will have them where and when I need them.

Sometime in the next year, we will all go to New Zealand. And then I will visit the memorials. Air New Zealand are going to take messages to the Antarctic for a time capsule and we will all send something down.

But we will be together here, not there. When all is said and done, this family is also Mum's legacy.


m1k1 said...

What can one say to that?
My heartfelt condolences. 30 years ago it may have been, but a loss like that is too dreadful to contemplate.

gemma said...

I'm sorry. It must feel like yesterday. Good thoughts to you and the family.

Bells said...

Oh ceri. What a story. I totally understand your reasons for not going. I would stay home too and later, you can all go together.

Biggest hugs!

2paw said...

Oh it was so lovely to see you again. Take care this weekend: I know you will be in the 'bosom' of your family!!!
The gifts?? A pleasure!!

Donyale said...

"Serry" :) (You know I still call you that in my head).

Platitudes are all I can offer for such an epic event in your life. Just know I am thinking of you and your family.....mwah.

Rose Red said...

Oh lovey, I am so sorry, I can't imagine how awful it must have been to lose your mum in such circumstances. I'm so so sorry, it just sucks. I'm so glad you have a lovely family to help you commemorate your mum. xx

Lynne said...

Yes, indeed; your mum lives on in your family.

May your weekend be bittersweet with memories and love.

frog ponds rock... said...

I don't think that I would have been able to go by myself either.

Jejune said...

Oh my goodness, what a shocking tragedy, and I can only imagine how heavily it has impacted on your life ... my heartfelt condolences. I think you made the right decision about your NZ trip.

So glad you got to meet up with 2paw :)

Big hugs.

Jejune said...

BTW, Hubby has been to Antarctica three times for work, and says that the Mt Erebus disaster is still spoken of, it has never been forgotten.

amy said...

Oh my goodness, I'd no idea you'd even lost your mum, and in such circumstances. I'm so sorry, although "sorry" seems so inadequate. xo

PenCraft said...

I am so sorry for your loss! I am glad you decided to stay with your family.

On a happier note, the Dr. Who sock package is magnificent. Just have to say that.

Alwen said...

Yes, much better to have all your loved ones around you on an anniversary like that so you can count noses and issue hugs and tissues as needed.

Jill said...

I thought of you the other day when I heard news of the memorial, and of the apology (at last). How very wise of you to identify what was going on for you this week, and make plans that will be good and life-affirming.

If it's possible, try not to get too caught up in the public '30 year anniversary' stuff. In my experience, grief has no calendar - your loss, and your mum's enduring significance in your world, will always be real, and will make themselves known when and how they will.

Kate_knits_a_bit said...

Brave and sensible decision.
and I lust after your sock yarn.
Hug your family, pat your yarn, and remember the good stuff.

Donna Lee said...

Your family is such a wonderful legacy for your mom. I think I would have decided the same way you did. I would have hated to go alone. Being with your family is the best tonic.

MadMad said...

Wow. How terrible. You poor, poor thing. I can't even imagine - and I can't imagine ever getting on a plane again after that, either. Man. Oh, honey. I am so sorry.

Geek Knitter said...

My heart goes out to you and your family. Words are so terribly inadequate, I wish I could give you a hug in person.

Michelle said...

I have no words. I can't imagine the pain you endured and still endure.

Enjoy your family that day, as a legacy to your mum.

Huge hugs from me xoxox

kms said...

so sory to hear about this tragedy ceri, and can only imagine how life changing it must have been. thinking of you.

Amy Lane said...

Oh sweetheart-- that's heartbreaking. I'm so glad you have a family now to support you for what you must have been feeling then.

Five Ferns Fibreholic said...

You do not need to be in NZ to commemorate your mum. You should be surrounded by friends and family for the support you need. Big Hugs from across the ocean.

Leonie said...

I'm so sorry for your loss and the obvious lack of support you received from the relevant authorities. Family is important and being with them when you are in need is key. When you have the time and the need you will go to NZ. Until then take solace in the knowledge that your Mum lives on in you and in her grandkids and will never be forgotten. Hugs.